My Father

If you know me, you know I didn't grow up with my dad. I knew who he was and spent time with him a few times but other than that I didn't have him. For the longest time it killed me inside, I thought it was my fault and that I wasn't good enough and he wanted nothing to do with me. It still kills me today but I can accept it more. I use to cry a lot thinking about it. I cried about it for the first time this year. It sucks. Not having my dad around, I went through life with a big fear of rejection and abandonment. Around my 16th birthday is when I stopped looking for him to come around. He would tell me he was going to take me fishing, buy me clothes and toys, and take me to Reds games. It never happened. From my 13th birthday to my 15th birthday the birthday calls would come a day later than the actual day. Turned 16 and didn't even get a call at all. I hated him. I use to speak ill will on him and everything and this is bad for me to say but I've always thought about how I would feel if he was gone gone. I can't answer that because I don't know. How can you feel for someone you barely know? Obviously I'm not wanting him to die but I've thought about how I would feel if he did. If you have your father in your life, cherish him because there's people like me who don't have their fathers in their lives. I wish him all the best of luck and may he stay blessed.